You don’t need a man to feel loved…love yourself!
It’s the month of love, and with Valentine’s Day fast approaching, it’s easy for single girls to feel a bit left out. We may yearn to be in a loving relationship, especially around this time of year, but what many of us don’t realize, is that in order to find happiness as part of a couple, we need to first feel happy being single. Also, just because you don’t have a boyfriend right now, doesn’t mean you don’t have lots of love to give, whether it’s on a pet, a family member, or friends. Love isn’t exclusive to couples, it’s a free commodity that should be shared around as much as possible, especially on yourself.
Some girls are happy with their single status, for the moment, as they focus on work, etc. Others might be on the lookout for a relationship. Whatever your situation, being happy and settled in your own life, regardless of your relationship status, is the first step to guaranteeing a loving future with somebody else down the road. Give, and you shall receive.
Follow these tips about loving yourself and finding inner contentment, and open yourself up for love.
1. Love yourself first
In any relationship, it’s human nature to treat other people the way we treat ourselves. So if you don’t love yourself, then how do you expect anyone else to? We can only give out what’s inside of us in the first place, so this is where you need to start. You might already think that you love yourself – we all do, right? But how many of us actually put time aside for ourselves? When was the last time you bought yourself flowers, or lounged in a delicious bubble bath for a whole hour? Do you cook yourself nice meals, or do you save that luxury for when you’re entertaining other people? When was the last time you splashed out on something expensive, just because you wanted to, and didn’t feel guilty?
Looking after ourselves doesn’t just mean basic maintenance to get through the day, it means really lavishing quality time and effort on ourselves, from beauty routines and pampering, to spoiling ourselves with gifts and rewards, for no reason at all – because you are the reason. If you’re loving and kind to yourself, then that generosity and thoughtfulness will naturally transfer to a lover. Remember, never feel bad or guilty about giving yourself attention. It’s not self-indulgence, it’s not egotism and it’s not selfishness. It’s simply loving yourself, so quit worrying.
2. Love your home
Your home says as much about you as the way you look or the way you act. So it’s vital to love where you live, just as much as you should love yourself. We accumulate things in our lives that are connected to memories, both positive and negative, but you should make sure to get rid of anything in your home that does not make you feel good. Whether it’s photographs of an old lover, a decoration or piece of furniture, even the color of your walls. If there are things around your home that make you think bad thoughts, for whatever reason, then it’s time to make a change. Out with the old and in with the new. We spend too much time hanging on to things that make us feel unhappy. Nostalgia can be healthy, but the bad kind can block the flow of positive energy, both within yourself and around your home.
You must start thinking of your house as an extension of yourself. In just the same way as we might change our hairstyle, get a makeover, or buy some new clothes, so you must do the same with where you live. Only hang on to things that make you smile or evoke a pleasant memory, and get rid of everything else. Our minds are our very own photograph albums and diaries, and every microsecond – good and bad – is recorded in there, so it makes no sense to hold onto additional visual stimuli which is only going to enhance bad memories and dilute the good ones. It doesn’t mean you have to live in a glossy magazine photo-spread, it just means that you should make a point of surrounding yourself with images and items that make you feel good about yourself. You can even pick things that represent the girl you want to become…maybe more naughty in the bedroom with your lover? So why not try buying some erotic art, or painting your bedroom a deep, lush red color? Invest in some luxury bedding, sensual fragrant candles and lighting, and transform your home into something sultry, sexy and inviting.
3. Love your body
Few of us are 100% happy with how we look as there’s always something we’d like to change, whether it’s our hair, our boobs, our legs…whatever. Celebrity magazines and glossy TV shows can make us feel inadequate, and can sap at our self esteem, as we’re constantly being told what is and isn’t beautiful, as though physical beauty equates to your value in society. Well here’s some news – we are all different, and we are all beautiful. Right down to every lump, every bump, every imperfection. That’s what makes us all unique.
It’s time to quit finding fault with yourself and, instead, take a look in the mirror and really notice what’s beautiful about you. If you think you have nice eyes, then accentuate them with eye shadow and liner. Like your curvy hips and ass? Then flaunt them with some form-fitting clothing and show the guys what they’re missing. If you’re lucky enough to have a great neckline, then highlight it with some dazzling jewelry or a low cut V-neck.
And when it comes to clothes, only ever buy items that fit you and that you love to wear. Never buy anything that you tell yourself you’re going to ‘slim into’ – it’s false hope and the garment will never leave your closet. Be realistic. Don’t buy clothes that you fantasize about wearing, or that you think you ‘should’ be wearing. Know what looks good on you, what feels good, and show off what you have. Presenting a real image is vital. Your clothes should never be something you hide behind, they should be an extension of yourself, just like your home is. Even supermodels and celebrities can get insecure about their looks, it’s human nature, but all you have to do is get used to focusing on your gorgeous bits, and the other stuff fades quickly into the background.
Set aside some time each day to pamper yourself. Build this into your daily beauty routine, make it normal, not just a treat, because you deserve to ‘treat’ yourself every day. It could be something small like a deep conditioning treatment for your hair, an inexpensive moisturizing cream, or just some deliciously scented shower gel. You have five senses, so try and use every one, from the moment you wake up to the moment you go to bed.
And get into the habit of looking at yourself, and I mean really looking at yourself, every single day. Don’t just walk quickly past the mirror when you’re getting ready in the morning, or before you take a shower. Stand there and properly look at yourself, from top to toe. Examine every inch of your body, touch yourself, stroke yourself, admire yourself. You’ll be amazed how good it makes you feel to physically connect with own body, instead of leaving that pleasure to a lover. Why should they get all the fun?
Next time you’re in the shower, or taking the time out to soak in the bath, don’t be scared to indulge in some self-love. It’s the best way to get to know your own body, and to love it. There are lots of great sex toys out there, and you deserve to feel as much pleasure as possible. There’s nothing wrong with some self-satisfaction. In fact, it’s one of the most natural things in the world. Learning to love yourself, physically, can only ever be a good thing because it will increase your sexual confidence when you find yourself with a lover. There’s nothing sexier to a guy than a woman who knows her own body, and is confident showing it off. This may take time for some people, because a positive body image doesn’t just arrive overnight, especially if you’re not used to showing yourself off. But just get used to the fact that you’re amazing, and before long you’ll be walking with an extra spring in your step, which will not go unnoticed.
4. Love your friends
Just as you should only have ‘good’ things in your home, so the same applies to your social circle. Most of us have friends and acquaintances who we have known for a long time, often since childhood, who have become part of our emotional furniture, even when they’re not being nice to us. But while we can all have off days, if you’re finding that certain people in your life do nothing but bring you down and fill your space with negativity, then it’s time to cut them loose. Don’t be afraid to jettison old friends and make new ones.
Like anything, human beings change and evolve as they grow older, and sometimes we just need to move on. Keeping negative people around you will only drag you down, because that’s exactly what they want. They aren’t happy, and so they don’t want you to be , either. It’s the highest form of selfishness, and it’s something you don’t need in your life. Just as you should regularly clear your closet of clothes that don’t fit, or look bad on you, so you should do the same with friends. True friends will be with you for life, even if you don’t see or speak to them for a long time. Get rid of ‘drainer friends’, and make sure to surround yourself only with people who make you feel good, and for whom you can return the favor. Friendship should not be measured by quality, not quantity.
And when you find the people worth knowing, spend time with them. You’re single, so what? It doesn’t mean you’re not loved, or don’t have love to give. Make a point of going out on regular ‘dates’ with your friends. Spending quality time with people you love – not necessarily a lover – is important to your overall wellbeing. I believe wholeheartedly in holistic living, and that means looking after every individual part of my life, to make sure the ‘whole’ is happy. That includes making time for my friends. Even if I’m seeing a lover, or I’m very busy with work, I always make time for friends, just as I always make time for myself. All areas of my life have to be fulfilling, if I am to attain – and enjoy – completeness.
5. Love your family
None of us would be who we are without our families – good or bad. Our upbringing is what shapes us and makes us who we are. If you’re lucky enough to come from a loving family, don’t neglect them. Even if you are separated by distance, there is no excuse in this digital age not to stay in contact. Phone calls, emails, even proper letters, let them know how you’re doing, and keep the lines of communication open, even if you’re busy. It doesn’t take long to say “Hi, mom, how are you?”
Try and remember birthdays and other special occasions. Sending a card can mean the world to a loved one, but too many people these days either forget, or blame ‘hectic lifestyles’ for not bothering to remember. Absence doesn’t always make the heart grow fonder. If anything, it can make people feel neglected and ignored. As a single person, you should never forget how important your family are, as they’re the one constant in your life, whereas lovers come and go. Just as we need a best friend, we all need family to lean on sometimes, whether it’s as a shoulder to cry on, someone to sound off at, or someone to simply sit and listen when we need to talk. And when something good happens, it’s often a family member who you want to tell first, so treat them with the respect they deserve, and involve them in your life, even if it’s a short 5-min phone call every week, or a random postcard from wherever you happen to be. Knowing that someone is thinking about you, is one of the most special feelings in the world.
But, just like friends, you may have family members that inject only negativity into your life. It’s true that ‘we can’t choose our family’, but you can choose whether to allow them to bring you down. Don’t be afraid to let somebody know that their presence in your life is not welcome anymore. If anything, you might find that they respect you more for it. The point is, you’re taking control of your life, learning to love yourself, and that means that sometimes you have make difficult decisions.
6. Love your job
Many people go to work because they have to. We all have bills to pay, commitments to fulfill, food to put on the table etc. But having a job that is also your hobby – like me – or one that you absolutely love is a blessing that should be celebrated.
If you don’t have a job that makes you smile every morning, then maybe it’s about time you found one that did. We spend most of our daylight hours working, so why should that time be wasted on something you’re not enjoying? Because if you’re loving what you do every day, then that’s not ‘work’, is it?
Of course this won’t happen overnight. So if there’s something you’ve always wanted to do, which might take training, further education or just good, old-fashioned time to attain, why not get something to put in your home that acts as a constant reminder of the goal you’re working towards? It might be a photograph of a faraway place you want to go and work in, or a picture of someone else doing the same job you’re after yourself. Whatever it is, you’ll need something to put around you to keep you focused on the path you’ve decided to take.
7. Love your hobbies
I’m lucky enough to have a job that is also my hobby, but it’s important for me to do other things, too. If you don’t have a hobby at all, then you need to find one – something you love, or something you have no idea you’re going to love until you try it!
Everybody needs distractions in life, we need variety and we need stimulation. It doesn’t have to involve money, it can be anything. Drawing, painting, floristry, running, music, surfing, cooking, just anything that inspires you and makes you smile. You should incorporate your hobby into your ‘me-time’, and be utterly selfish about it. It should be something you want to do, not what your friends want to do or, worse, what your lover might want you to do. All too often, single girls will embark on a new relationship and then lose themselves in the life and hobbies of their new lover. All this will do is make you lose a little bit of yourself. Retaining your individuality, your personality, is the one thing that’s going to both sustain a relationship, and increase your own self-worth. By having interests that you own, you’ll keep your independence, and your power.
8. Love your pets
It’s common for single girls to have pets. They’re company, they make us smile, and they give us unconditional love, which we return to them. Pets won’t stand you up, let you down, or make you ever doubt yourself. Next to family members, pets can be the most reliable, trustworthy things in your life. They’re also great for our health and wellbeing. Numerous studies have shown that people with pets are less prone to stress and anxiety, and are able to think more clearly and be more rational. The healing and spiritual powers that come through owning and looking after our pets, cannot be underestimated.
9. Love your single life!
As mentioned, you have to learn to love being single, if you’re ever going to love being in a committed relationship. Inner happiness does not come from being with somebody and having somebody to love, it comes from loving yourself first. Being single is not tragic, it is not sad, it is not unfortunate or a backward step. Rather, it is a vital stepping stone to the next level of your life journey. Achieving contentment and happiness as a single girl, is a million times more important than grabbing the nearest guy just to fill a hole in your life. Because when that guy is gone, there will still be a hole. A confident and happy single girl does not have holes to fill, just extra space in her life closet.
To achieve happiness as a single girl, you’ve got to put yourself out there. Sign up for some salsa classes, join the local art group, go on a cooking course. Do something, to get back in touch with yourself and what you like to do. All the traditional ‘dating’ things, like going out for dinner, or catching a show, you should be comfortable doing for yourself, by yourself. Mingle and socialize with friends as much as you can, too, but don’t do it as a means to ‘finding someone’. Do it because you’re happy in your own company. And when you are that self-confident, it will show to everyone around you.
So don’t avoid Valentine’s Day, make an event of it instead. Your date is you, your loved one is you, and the person you’re going to spend all that money on, is you. You’re a lucky girl, and don’t let anyone tell you different.