Learn the secrets to orgasming in any position and every time during sex!
Every woman would love to have a mind-blowing orgasm every time she has sex. Sadly, the reality is a little different. Few women manage to orgasm through penetrative sex alone, as our climax-makers – our clits – aren’t located inside our vaginas. Many of us have to use a vibrator or other stimulator to get ourselves off.
So if you’re someone who can’t orgasm during sex, you probably think you’re doomed to a life of sexual hard work, having to get yourself off separately while your lover just heads straight for Cloud Nine courtesy of your vagina. But don’t panic, because help is at hand. If you wish you could orgasm in any position, by any means possible, in a manner of your choosing, then keep on reading. By following my hints and tips, you’ll be orgasming in no time at all.
There are many ways to “train” our brains, to orgasm in any position. Think of images, sounds or anything that gets you excited. Our brains are probably the most sexual organs in our bodies, and are capable of amazing things. We all get excited when we think about sex, or about a hot guy/celebrity that turns us on. Mental stimulation is vital to keeping our brains sexually-receptive. Whether it’s remembering the sex we’ve had with past lovers or fantasizing about what we’d like to do to new ones, our naughty thoughts help keep us sexually fit. Whatever you think about to help you come, you must train your brain to be super-responsive to help you orgasm during sex.
I always teach women that they shouldn’t rely on a man for their pleasure. Sure, guys are great when it comes to playtime and experimentation, and there’s nothing quite as sexy as making out with your favorite lover. But however fantastic your guy is, and whatever sexual gifts he likes to give you, it’s down to your own desires as to whether you really want to receive that pleasure. For instance, some men will go down on a woman, intending to give her an intense sexual experience, but many women will find themselves more concerned about how she looks and smells down there, or if she’s remembered to shave her legs, going through her personal “to do” list, rather than fully relaxing and enjoying the pleasure her lover is giving her.
This is where training the brain comes in, because the best orgasms come from a powerful combination of physical and mental stimulation, and it’s not just our pussies that can give us orgasms when aroused. Lots of women swear that they can orgasm from having their nipples sucked on. Anal sex, deep massage and sexy shower action can also bring on orgasms. That’s because women (and men) can learn to use their minds to excite themselves, whilst using parts of their body that don’t necessarily have a direct sexual pleasure point. This is also borne out by the experiences of some paralysis victims. They have no feeling past their waist, but have trained their brains to receive orgasms through other parts of their bodies, such as hands, face, chest, even a single thumb. This proves just how powerful our brains are.
I’ve had lovers who orgasm in their sleep, and I’ve done it myself, many many times. This also proves that orgasms are all in the mind. If I haven’t had sex in a while, then my dreams become all the more lucid and erotic, as my brain craves sexual release. Also, I find that physical exercise, especially on the kegel muscles, makes my orgasms (real or imagined) much more intense and easier to attain. While you’re having a sex dream, your mind is working overtime, getting excited by the images you’re dreaming about. Your brain sends signals down to your vagina and clitoris, telling it to get ready to climax. Your vaginal muscles will then start contracting, as though it is being penetrated, and your clit will become aroused and super-sensitive. When your brain thinks you’re ready, it will then send the signal that you’re ready to come, and you get to enjoy a fabulous wet dream.
Using our brains to help us orgasm is something we’ve all done when we’re alone (at least, I hope you have!). But we also need to get comfortable with getting ourselves off while we’re with a partner, because the methods and techniques will invariably be different. For women, having an orgasm during penetrative sex is difficult, because our bodies are not used to that position when we climax during masturbation. Then, our legs are usually closed, or nearly closed, together, not spread wide apart. Also, our natural reaction when we come, is to pull our legs together, to squeeze, not to remain wide open, as we often are during sex. Female masturbation is also something we do on our backs or stomachs, so many sexual positions we indulge in with a lover don’t match this, so it can be difficult for our bodies to feel fully aroused in positions that our clits and vaginas are not used to.
Another potential hindrance to a woman’s ability to orgasm during sex, is that we can grow too accustomed to our favorite sex toys. It’s simple for us. We just switch our vibes on, place it on our clit and let machinery do all the work. So we grow less and less familiar with how to orgasm during intercourse – it all seems like far too much effort! So training and retraining our brains to learn to climax by the power of thought as well as touch, is vital in maintaining a healthy sex life.
We’re not given manuals when we first have sex. And despite the plethora of websites, ebooks, forums and DVDs out there to instruct us in every sexual position know to man, it’s only through actual practice and exploration that we can learn to be the best lovers we can be. We should always be learning new things, about both ourselves and our lovers, because it’s only by doing that we discover anything.
Think Yourself Off
So the first thing we need to get used to is how to “think ourselves off”. To do this you’ll need some alone time, at least half an hour to an hour, with a guarantee of no interruptions. Be patient, as learning to think yourself off will take time, it’s not a one-session-solution to orgasming, but something that needs mental and physical investment. And each particular area of your body that you want to learn to come through (eg. when having your nipples sucked), needs individual attention and training. So decide which parts you’d like to focus on and be prepared to dedicate special time to training your brain in these areas.
Make sure your room is quiet, or play some music that you know gets you in the mood. The temperature must be perfect – that is, not noticeable. Being too hot or too cold will take your mind off the task in hand. Nothing else should be distracting your senses while you’re in training, so comfort is paramount. Settle yourself on your bed or couch, wherever you feel settled and secure. Be sure that nobody else will be coming home, that the phone is off the hook, your cell is switched off, and there’s nothing else around you that will disturb your concentration. You must think of this as a kind of self-hypnotism, so it’s vital that nothing is around you that might ‘break the spell’.
To enhance the sexy atmosphere, light some candles, wear sexy lingerie or even go completely naked. Whatever you would usually do to get in the mood, do it. This exercise is all about relaxing the mind, it’s a kind of meditation, but instead of using meditative chants, you’ll be using naughty thoughts. How naughty those thoughts are, is entirely up to you. They don’t even need to be that naughty, because different things get different people off. It could be something as innocent as walking along the beach with your lover, holding hands and kissing. Maybe that’s what gets you off? Sometimes, less is more, and subtlety can be so much sultrier than raw sex.
Start your relaxation by concentrating on your feet. Lie back and imagine your feet are soft, light and sensitive, as though they are being covered in a warm, fluffy towel. You might feel your feet begin to tingle as you concentrate, which tells you your brain is already starting to think sexy. Take your thoughts and move the focus further up your body, over your knees, up to your thighs, across your belly, over your chest and all the way up to your head. ‘Push’ the warmth down your arms and out through your fingertips, then breathe in deeply and enjoy the calmness for a few seconds. You can even imagine that someone is kissing you all the way up your body as you focus on each body part.
Next, focus on your genitals. This is where doing your kegel exercises really comes in handy (see my article on Kegel Exercises – Working Out Your Sex Muscles, to help you with this exercise). Start flexing, then relaxing your kegel muscles. This will start to send the blood rushing to your genitals and get you excited. Do this rhythmically, just as you would with your breathing if you were meditating. Do 10 reps, then hold for 5 or 10 seconds, then do 10 more, faster. Move up to 15 or 20 reps, increasing speed each time. Do this as many times as you can, until your genitals start to feel aroused. This may take time, so just be patient and don’t worry if it takes a few sessions to take hold. These exercises are all about being relaxed, which won’t happen if you’re worrying too much about whether or not it’s working.
Once you’re aroused, re-focus on your thoughts. This is the time to start thinking about things that excite you, sexually. As I mentioned, you don’t have to be thinking about sex itself, just something that arouses you. An erotic massage, being cuddled by your lover, simple kissing…it can be anything! Be as naughty as you want and don’t worry about where your mind is taking you.
As you start fantasizing, you’ll notice your genitals begin to feel more aroused. Keep your eyes closed, as this intensifies the power of your thoughts, and you won’t get distracted by things around the room. And don’t worry about how long this is taking. Impatience is one of the things that prevents women from orgasming during sex. Whether it’s penetrative sex or having our lover go down on us, women spend too much time thinking about what they’re thinking (is he tired, is his tongue sore, is he wondering why it’s taking me so long…?) rather than focusing on our own pleasure. But who cares what he’s thinking? Think about how many times you’ve been tired and aching from giving him all those blow jobs. But we keep doing it, because we want to please our partner. The secret to orgasming, is to keep your mind focused on your naughty thoughts, to think about what gets you off. When lose the power over our brains, we lose the power over our orgasms.
This exercise may take well over an hour, but don’t worry, because the more time you put in now, the less time you’ll need later, when it’s time to put what you’ve learned into practice. Let your imagination run wild. As you’re exercising your kegel muscles, for instance, imagine your lover is down there, teasing you with his tongue and his fingers, or the tip of his penis. All women know how crucial the ‘tease’ is, and it’s often more erotic and sensual than the sex act itself. Nothing gets me off more than my lover teasing my pussy before he enters me. So that’s what I tend to focus on when I’m thinking myself off. And the best thing about fantasies, is that they often write themselves, and you never know where they might lead. Sometimes I’ll be thinking about just one of my lovers going down on me, but before I know it, my brain has decided to bring someone else in, and I’ll have lots of guys teasing me, in my head, which really gets me going. As I near orgasm, with my naughty thoughts running wild inside my head, I then imagine one of their cocks about to enter me, and that makes me climax instantly. We’ll all have different fantasies and sexy scenarios that excite us. The key is to let them do their thing inside your head, without feeling that any of it has to make sense.
As you’re fantasizing you’ll become aroused, but remember, NO hands or vibrators. This is all about the power of thought and you need to train your brain to arouse your pussy by thinking alone, otherwise there’s no point. Think of when your lover is teasing you so badly that you can’t wait to have sex with them, or you orgasm during foreplay, because of the intensity of your lover’s attentions. Well this is the same, it’s just that you’re working yourself up and you’re using the pure power of your brain to do it.
Although you’re not allowed to use toys, hands or any other external stimulation during this exercise, you should still feel free to move your hips, just as you do when you’re having sex and receiving someone. Move your chest up and down, grind your hips into the bed/couch, move just as you would during real sex. This will help with the fantasy.
Once you master “thinking off”, you can master anything!
After you’ve learned to think yourself off, then why not try to orgasm with a dildo? Avoid the ones with vibrators and other sex toys attached, just go for the static model, because they’re closer to how a real penis feels. Think of the dildo as your lover. If you have more than one lover, play with different sizes so you can get used to how they feel. Dildo sex replicates normal sex – vagina and cock. Sometimes, we just want simple sex, without toys, because it’s baser, more primeval, and it’s also where training our brains can really help. If you’re used to having sex with sex toys, then you’re probably used to all the extra vibrations, sensations and stimulations on your clit and in your vagina. In other words, you never have to do any work, and it removes any need for our brains to ‘think’ ourselves to orgasm. We can actually become immune to our own sensuality, because we don’t need to think about it, if a tiny machine is doing all the work for us. So, once in a while, it’s a good idea to get back to basics, and stimulate your brain as well as your pussy.
Just as you used your imagination and kegel muscles to get you off, earlier, you’ll be doing the same with this exercise, but with a dildo. This will also help when it comes to telling your lover what you like. When using the dildo, try using it in different ways, to see what gets you off. Don’t just push it in and out of you, mechanically, try different pressures and speeds. Many women just thrust the dildo in and out of their pussy, fast, thinking they’ll get off quicker, but try going long and slow instead. Tease yourself, by inserting just the tip of the dildo into your vagina, and playing around with your entrance. Rub the head of the cock on the outside of your pussy and up over your clit.
Experiment to see what gets you worked up and gets you off. And remember, use your brain to work in tandem with your manual stimulation, and see how it doubles the pleasure. When you find out what you like, then you can tell your lover to try the same things on you. If he’s used to going fast, then show him how you prefer it a little slower, with longer strokes. Get him to stroke the outside of your pussy with the tip of his cock, or just fuck you gently with his head while he’s teasing you. Trust me, he won’t mind at all.
Our nipples are very sensitive, for both men and women. Most women will get very aroused when their nipples are sucked on, and a lucky few can even orgasm this way. But if you’re not one of the chosen people, don’t worry. It’s very easy to train yourself to orgasm from nipple play, but it’s also important to communicate with your lover and tell him exactly how you want him to suck or touch your nipples, to help get you off. Just like our pussies, our nipples respond in different ways depending what’s being done to them. Men aren’t mind readers, so you have to tell them what you want and how you want it.
Some people like having their nipples sucked, licked, caressed or nibbled. Vibrators are a great toy to use on nipples, as their various speeds and pressures can evoke a wild variety of sensations for us. But before you get a lover to practice on you, you need to practice on your own. So again, just as above with thinking yourself off, you need to set aside some alone time, and go through the same relaxation routine, including the kegel muscles exercise. But, this time, you’ll be focusing on your nipples, not your genitals.
Below are some techniques to try on your nipples. Some of them will feel strange, initially, but persevere and try not to dismiss something until you’ve at least had a go. This is all about self-discovery, so keep an open mind and maybe you’ll find some surprising new ways to pleasure yourself. Try one exercise at a time, then try them all together in a kind of nipple routine. You’ll like some more than others, but the point is that you’ll definitely discover at least one exercise that works for you, and you’ll then be able to show your lover how to use your nipples to give you an orgasm.
-Standard Nipple Clamps
They might look frightening, and it’s true they’re not for everyone, but try them and see what you think. When you first put them on, just sit there for a few minutes and get used to how they feel, how the tingling sensation washes over your breast and nipple area. Lie back and fantasize, as you’re flexing your kegel muscles. After a few minutes, give the chain a gentle tug and feel how intense the added stimulation is. Imagine it’s your lover tugging on the chain, teasing you to distraction. But remember, no hands anywhere else, especially not on your genitals. This isn’t a standard masturbation session, this is all about learning to orgasm through other parts of your body, via thought, focus and sensation.
-Vibrating Nipple Clamp
For added sensation and a more intense mental fantasy, try some vibrating nipple clamps. You can adjust the tension, speed and pulse magnitude, and really get experimenting with what feels good. You’ll probably need more time on your own to play with these, as the combinations are endless and if you use a satin blindfold, too, then your brain should find it a lot easier to go to those special places. If you can get yourself off with standard nipple clamps, then that will be more beneficial in the long run, as it proves that your brain is strong and able to arouse you without the need for artificial stimulus. But if you’re having trouble, or it’s just taking a bit longer to get fully aroused in your nipple area, try the vibrating clamps to give you that extra push.
-Fetish Nipple Rings
These cute little gold rings are non-piercing and are such a pretty accessory that can really help engage the brain in naughty thoughts. Wear them as you’re lying back, relaxing, and play with them as you let your imagination go into overdrive. My favorite thing about these gorgeous little rings, though, is that they can be worn under your clothing. They make you feel very sexy, wherever you are, and the knowledge that you’re wearing something a bit naughty, under your blouse, is very erotic. You’ll get the most from rings like this once you’ve practiced training your brain. Once you have, believe me, it doesn’t take much thought to get you off when you’re wearing them.
Nipple suckers are just great for training your brain. They’re plastic bulbs which fit over your nipples and create a vacuum, so it feels like they’re being sucked. When you’re in training, attach the suckers and lie back, imagining that it’s your lover’s mouth on your breasts and not a plastic toy. Remember, don’t touch your genitals while you’re fantasizing, focus purely on your nipples and enjoy the tight sensation of them being ‘sucked’. It’s so erotic, and is one of the best gadgets around to help you focus your imagination on getting you off. If you still need a little help, try some vibrating nipple suckers, which give you more control over suction pressure, as well as offering added vibration for a sensory overload.
If you love subtlety and the delicacy of the tease, then you’re probably a feather girl. During your relaxation, use a feather tickler to play with your nipples as you fantasize. My favorites are ostrich feathers, because they’re long and so light, it feels like I’m being teased by a cloud. You can also get feather crops and feather boas, which both feel super-sexy when you brush them over your nipples. My fantasies always take a naughtier turn when I’m playing with feathers on my breasts, and this is a good way to find out just what your brain is capable of.
If you want to crank things up a bit and get a little kinkier then use a tail whip. They add real intensity to nipple play and you can be as gentle or rough as you like. I like to start by brushing the whip across my nipples and breasts, as I begin the fantasy in my head. As I get going, I then start spanking my nipples and boobs harder and harder, which brings me to orgasm every time. It’s a toy that you really need to experiment with, and the more you get used to it the more comfortable you’ll be with suggesting to your lover that he use it on you to get it off. Believe me, he’ll be ‘whipping’ it out of your hands in no time, just dying to get to work on you.
Bullets aren’t just for the clit! It’s surprising how many women are missing a trick by not realizing how wonderful they can be when used on all areas of the body, especially the nipples. Bullets are such sexy-looking things, the small silver ones are my favorite. Even looking at one makes me feel horny. When I’m lying back, about to start fantasizing, I run this little vibe over my boobs and nipples, and they’re instantly erect. Vibes are able to stimulate every single nerve ending in my nipples and when coupled with the naughty things going off in my head, it’s never long before I get so aroused that I need to come. But be patient. Orgasming through nipple play is fantastic, but it took me a long time to train my brain that way so be prepared to invest the time and effort, and you’ll soon find out what I mean. Bullet vibes are great because you can take them anywhere with you, so I’ll often have a quick brain training session in the middle of the day, wherever I am. Just knowing that I have my bullet vibe in my purse is incredibly arousing.
This cooling cream is great to put on your nipples when playing with your breasts as it will give you a nice tingly sensation. When you’re ready to start sharing your brain training with your lover, get him to use some of this on your nipples. It comes in various flavors, and makes nipple play a joy for both of you. Just smear some on your boobs/nipples, and let your guy indulge himself. And because you’ve learned how to train your brain, you’ll be able to get straight down to business and start thinking yourself off, as you enjoy the way your lover is sucking on you. You can also use nipple nibblers with nipple clamps, vibes and feather ticklers, to add an extra dimension to nipple play. It smells wonderful, too, so even if you’re on your own, smear some on your nipples and let the aromas work their magic on your imagination as you play with your boobs.
Just like vibes, dildos aren’t solely for use in and around our pussies. It’s really horny when our lovers brush their cocks over our boobs and nipples, so try using a dildo for the same effect. Lie back and stroke the dildo over your breasts, and imagine your lover is caressing you with his cock. Let your imagination take over and don’t be afraid to move your body as you would if it was a real cock playing on your chest. You can practice your titty-fucking techniques at the same time, so you have something else to offer your lover next time he’s over. Dildos come in all shapes, sizes and materials, so why not splash out on a soft model that feels just like the real thing – fleshy and arousing on your nipples.
They’re free and very underused. Our hands are as sensual as any other part of our bodies, but we don’t use them nearly enough. Take your time and massage your breasts, get to know them as intimately as your lover does. Rub, squeeze, massage, tickle…anything that adds to the erotic sensation. Imagine it’s your lover running his hands over your tits, and remember to just keep your hands on your breasts, no matter how tempting it might be to venture further below. Some people can even suck their own nipples, so if you can do that, then go for it.
Sometimes when we touch ourselves, it’s not the same as feeling someone else’s touch. To compensate for this, try rubbing your nipples across different fabrics. This way, you can easily imagine someone else touching you, and it’s also very stimulating for your nipples. I discovered this while masturbating on my stomach. I was using a toy behind me and every time I slid my body up and down my sheets, I noticed my nipples were responding to the rub of the fabric on my breasts. It was as though someone else was touching me. It doesn’t have to be just sheets, though. Try rubbing against your pillow or the arm of your leather couch. The sheepskin rug you’ve got on the floor can feel amazing on nipples, as does a hot towel straight from the dryer. If you use your hand to rub fabric over your nipples, it doesn’t feel quite the same than if you rub up against the fabric yourself. This is how I discovered how much I liked my nipples being played with, as it was getting me off.
-Putting Everything Together
Pick out your favorites from the ideas above and try combining them together. For example, apply the nipple cream then squeeze or caress your breasts for a few minutes. Then, take the whip or feather stick and stroke yourself slowly as you concentrate your brain on your fantasy. Attach the nipple clamps or nipple suckers as you use the feather, and combine sensations. All the time, you should be focusing your brain on your fantasy, and working your mind towards orgasm, thinking only of your nipples and what you, or your imagined lover, is doing to them. After lots of practice (remember this may take a few sessions to get right), you should find yourself approaching orgasm by thought and nipple play alone.
Once you’ve experimented and discovered what gets you off, you can then introduce what you’ve learned to your lover and show them how to please your nipples. It could be as simple as just telling them that you want to them to lick your boobs and nipples in long slow strokes. It could be that you want him to suck on you in a certain way. Toys don’t have to be involved, so don’t feel pressured into using them if you’d prefer to just keep things natural.
Orgasming In Any Position
Being unable to orgasm through normal intercourse, is a complaint for many women. Even those that can, say that it’s only achievable through the missionary or doggy-style positions. But you can actually orgasm in any position you choose, as long as you train your brain to do it. Here are a few sex positions where brain training can help you climax. Practice them on your own first, before trying them out with a lover.
Coming On Top
If you want to be able to climax while riding your lover, then get some practice in first. This is easy to do, because there are lots of products out there to let a woman practice doing it on her own. First, it’s vital that you get in the right frame of mind, by relaxing. I can’t emphasize enough how important the brain is when training yourself to orgasm at will, but your brain won’t do anything unless it’s relaxed. Get in the mood by doing whatever you need to do to get aroused. Then, imagine that your lover (or a fantasy fuck), is in the room with you. Just as we had imaginary friends when we were younger, now it’s time to tap into your inner child and introduce a fantasy friend into your play time.
This all starts with your mind, so close your eyes and pretend your lover is touching and kissing you all over your body. The power of your imagination will send chills up and down your skin, if you’re concentrating properly. If you like, use your hands on yourself, and pretend it’s your lover. It’s amazing just how fertile our minds can be if we use them properly, especially when it comes to sex. Focus completely, stay in the moment and perhaps even try looking at yourself in the mirror as you practice.
This is what your lover sees, after all, so you’ll be doing yourself a favor if you can get comfortable while practicing on yourself. This will make you less self-conscious, especially if you’re on top, as you’re effectively on display to your lover, with no hiding place. Your body, your boobs, your pussy, your facial expressions, he sees everything. So get used to what he’s seeing and you’ll feel a lot more comfortable in your own skin.
Experiment with the various products below, to find out how to orgasm while you’re on top. Don’t hold back, because you really need to get into the zone, just as you would when you’re doing it for real. Picture your lover beneath you and really get into it, by pretending to look into your lover’s eyes or imagining the dildo as his lovely, thick cock.
Probably the perfect toy for practicing coming on top. It puts you in complete control of your body and how it’s moving, so it’s up to you how fast, how hard and how long you ride for. It’s like a molded cushion, with one side that has a space so you can attach your favorite dildo and get riding. The positioning mount makes it feel like you’re riding a real cock and a real body, so it’s ideal for practicing different positions. The other side lets you encase the dildo or vibrator, so you get external stimulation while you experiment with comfort and speed. You’re in control of your pleasure, so remember this when you’re training your brain to come. Take your mind to that special place, as the liberator wing stimulates you physically. Once you’ve mastered your technique, try out your moves on a real cock and rock his world.
Although this toy takes all shapes and sizes of dildos, including vibrating dildos and full rabbits, it’s best to use as realistic a toy cock as possible. Remember, you’re training your brain to orgasm via the real thing, so the more realistic you can make your practice sessions, the more likely you are to orgasm during real sex.
The liberator wing is also perfect as hitting your clit, and you can learn to do the same on your partner. Sit all the way down on the attached cock and rub your clit on the fabric. You can even put a vibrating cock ring on the dildo, to practice how to get that to hit your clit at the right place and time, too. Use your hands to balance on the liberator wing, just as you would your lover’s chest. Once you’ve mastered the most comfortable and sustainable way to stay upright, all you need to do is transfer the technique to your lover’s body.
-Vibrating Sex Ball
Another great toy to experiment with, is this vibrating sex ball. It’s a simple blow-up-and-go gadget with a dildo attached, that you take inside you, then use the handles below to hold on for the ride as the ball and dildo vibrate. Because you need quite strong legs to use this properly, it’s great for exercising your thighs and calves, so you’ll have increased stamina when it comes to the real thing. If you can master the sex ball, you’ll have no problem orgasming on top when you’re riding for real.
You don’t have to spend money on training gadgets, though. Why not just take two pillows and put a dildo between them? Push the pillows together with your knees to keep the dildo in place and get riding. It might not hold as good as a sex ball or liberator wing, but with a little practice it’s just as effective and does wonders for training your balance. For added naughtiness, which will do wonders for your imagination, try this pleasure pillow. It’s a soft fleece case that slides over your ordinary pillow, with a ready-made pleasure cradle, into which you can insert one of the two included dildos. Convert any pillow into a climactic rollercoaster. You can position the cradle on any part of the pillow, so you’ll be able to experiment with different positions and angles. Trust me, this little toy feels amazing.
Orgasm In Missionary
As mentioned before, most of us don’t masturbate with something heavy between our legs or with our legs hooked over something high, like our lover’s shoulders, so it can be hard to feel natural coming this way. But by practicing on ourselves, by masturbating in these positions, we can train our brains to feel comfortable climaxing this way.
If you have sex with your lover by putting your feet over his shoulders, use a headboard instead. Hook your legs over the edge and use a dildo, as described above, while using your brain to fantasize at the same time. That way, your brain gets used to delivering orgasms when you’re in this position.
Also, try masturbating with your legs open. It’s our natural reaction when masturbating, to squeeze our legs together when we feel orgasm approach, but this isn’t your position when you’re having sex, so you need to practice orgasming with your legs wide open, as they would be in the missionary position. Try putting a pillow between your legs and masturbate with a dildo. That way, you can imagine your lover is on top of you. Then, you can spend time focusing your brain on coming, as you replicate normal sex.
Maybe your lover likes to lift your bum while he’s fucking you? If so, put a pillow or wedge under your bum while you’re masturbating with your dildo. Training your brain is all about simulating real sex as realistically as possible, so your mind learns to recognize angles, speeds, sensations and rhythms. The more authentic you can make your practice sessions, the easier it will be to get yourself off.
When it’s time to practice what you’ve learned with your partner, a good little tip is to get him to push down on you as he fucks you. It’s not just our clit and vagina that become aroused during sex, it’s the pubic bone area, too, our ‘mons pubis’. If your lover presses nice and hard into you as he fucks you, his body weight will rub against your mons area and increase the pressure on your clit. So practice this way, when masturbating, by having something else press against your mons area (a pillow or liberator toy), as you fuck yourself with the dildo.
When with your lover and alone, try using a Lelo Nea vibrator. They’re the perfect missionary position toy as they sit right on your clit and mons area and don’t get in the way of his cock. You can also try practicing on your own, but you’ll need to be perfectly balanced if you’re using a dildo at the same time! For more great practice on your balancing, speed and pressure skills, try a fantasy glide. It’s a spring-loaded fuck-machine that will pump in and out of you, depending on how hard you push down on it. This way, it can imitate real sex perfectly, because everything is determined on manual pressure, there are no batteries, no cords, no messing about. You can fuck yourself as gently or as hard as you choose. You can use this alone or with a partner, but for me the very point of it is to experiment with all kinds of positions on my own, so I know what feels good, before inviting a lover to do the same to me.
This can be one of the easiest positions in which a woman can come. Think back to when you were younger, and you first humped something, like a pillow, your teddy bear, the arm rest of your couch, or corner of your school desk. Of course, not every girl did this but I know I did! Girls have always been able to have their first orgasm before boys do, and I vividly remember the first time I humped something. I’ve been humping ever since, only nowadays it’s more likely to be a guy than a pillow.
Maybe this is what Liberator had in mind when they were designing their toys for women? Their products are pretty much the same things we humped as kids, only now they’re making hump-buddies for grown-ups. There are some fabulous toys to help us orgasm doggy-style. Practice with them first on your own, so you can see how they work for you, then use them with your lover.
-Axis Hitachi Mount
Made especially for use with hitachi wand vibrator, this wedge is shaped so you lean over the edge, with your clit touching the wand, and your bum in the air behind you, so your lover can easily enter you from behind. This wedge will make you come right away.
If you remember how delicious it was to hump a pillow when you were younger, then you can relive the fantasy with this gorgeous accessory. It’s like a bolster pillow and fits snugly between your legs so you can’t help but want to squeeze it and get humping. The shape sits happily on your clit and mons area, and also forces your body to fall forward slightly, so your lover gets easy access to your vagina from behind.
Sometimes we can get distracted when in doggie position, because we’re concentrating too hard on balance and position, so it stops us from focusing on our orgasm. This great flip ramp helps maintain your balance and takes the weight off so you don’t have to worry about holding yourself up. Then, if you want, you can use a vibrator or dildo from behind, while the ramp supports you. You can even rub your nipples up against it to get off while being fucked from behind. It’s harder for women to orgasm if we’re always having to think about comfort and balance, so this flip ramp is the ideal accessory to make doggy style sex effortless and stimulating. Plus, you can pull it apart to use it as a wedge if you want to rock your clit against it, or position it under your bum for more comfortable missionary sex.
Surprisingly, many women don’t think they can orgasm through oral sex, but they’re not giving their guys a chance, or in a lot of cases, it’s the guys who really don’t know what they’re doing. Also, some women aren’t even sure what they like, in which case their lover has no chance of satisfying them. You have to know your own body inside out, before you can expect anyone else to give you pleasure. You have to take time out to explore your clit, your vagina, your ass and everything in between, otherwise you won’t be able to tell your lover what turns you on.
For example, did you know that your clit is much bigger than what you see? They’re like icebergs, in that what you see on the surface, hides a wealth of action below. They’re also shaped like wishbones. All you see is the bud, but feel along your labia lips when you’re aroused and you’ll discover very thin ‘legs’, connected to your clit. If your lover knows to stimulate these, as well as your clit, mons area and vagina, then he’ll be able to make you climax with ease. There are so many other questions that women, never mind men, simply don’t know the answer to. Do you know where your bulbs are located? Do you even know what bulbs are? Do you know how far inside you your G-spot is located? Did you know that you can actually see your G-spot by looking in a mirror? Do you know that you have other erogenous zones deep inside you that can give you sensational orgasms?
If you don’t know the answers to ALL of the questions above, then you don’t know your own vagina and all the pleasures it can give you. You need to learn these things before you can expect someone else to give you pleasure.
Visit my article on How To Eat Pussy and discover a wealth of wonders about vaginas. It’s not just for men, but for women, too, so they can learn about their own genitalia. Practice some of the tips contained in the article, so that you can find out what you like. If you don’t know what turns you on down there, then how can you expect to tell your lover to satisfy you?
It’s always surprising to me how many people don’t realize that you can orgasm through anal sex. Our asses are super-sensitive, full of nerve endings, and many people actually come faster and more intensely through anal sex than vaginal sex.
Read my article on Anal Sex to learn more about what pleasures you can receive from it and how to bring the subject up with your lover (in case it’s one of those tricky areas you feel awkward about approaching). But make sure to practice on your own, first, especially if you’ve never had anal sex before. There are many toys out on the market for both beginners and experts, which you can find more information on in the article. The wedges and furniture mentioned above, are also ideal for practicing on. They can make anal sex more comfortable for first timers and will get your body and mind more familiar with different positions and make orgasm easier to reach.
We all have fantasies but most fantasies never come true, for some of us. Maybe you want to be tied up or practice bondage on your partner? Maybe you don’t think it’s possible to orgasm while you’re being tied up? But you’ll be surprised how easy it is to climax when you introduce a bit of fetish bondage play. Tease, tease tease! And remember, using your imagination to train your brain will go a long way to offering you an incredible orgasm.
Even being blindfolded can be highly erotic and orgasmic, along with being spanked, tickled, pinched and restrained. Just as above, you can train yourself to get turned on this way by practicing on yourself. I’ve tried all the methods below, so I know they work.
It’s easy to tie yourself up and let yourself out. I use my under bed restraints, just to tie up my hands. But before I get into position, I use my Liberator Wing to get super-comfortable. Then I pick out my favorite dildo, and once I’m positioned I put on my blindfold then slip my hands into my restraints. Then I go to town riding my fake cock. It’s highly erotic, because I’m having to use all my imagination to take myself on the ride of my life. I can’t see, I can’t feel my way with my hands, so aside from feeling the dildo in my pussy, I have to think myself off and the images I then get running around my head are so hot, I find it easy to climax.
If you’re really practiced, you can even tie yourself up on your back and think yourself off this way. Or just tie up your ankles up while using your dildo and blindfold. As you approach orgasm, the restraints on your ankles will drive you crazy, as you’ll be unable to kick out like you’re used to doing during sex. Go on, get creative!
To help you, try this fun toy either alone or with your lover. It’s a position master that helps you get into all sorts of fun sex positions, some of which you won’t even have heard of. Another great toy is the love lounger, which you can use on your own or with your lover. You can tie yourself up and try out different positions. Plus, the attached dildo will fuck you on demand, no hands needed! Once you’ve mastered it, you can share it with your lover, but only if he behaves.
This article is designed to get you thinking, literally! Guys are lucky in that they can get off simply by stroking their cocks, but for women there’s a lot more to it. You have to recognize that your brain is the most powerful sexual tool you possess, and once you learn how to use it properly there’s absolutely no reason why you can’t orgasm whenever you want, wherever you want and in whatever position you want.
Train your brain to arouse the rest of you. Don’t rely on purely physical stimulation to turn you on. Just as 90% of everyday communication is through body language, not words, so 90% of orgasm control is through our brains, not our genitals. If you take time out to practice training your brain to indulge your fantasies and concentrate on the numerous different erogenous zones of your body, then you’ll be better placed to not only satisfy yourself but get your lover to satisfy you too.
Go ahead, train that brain, and discover the secrets to attaining orgasm.
By Sienna Sinclaire:
The Single Girl & Naughty Lifestyle Expert