“Naughty Lifestyle Expert” (NLE) is a concept I came up with to describe not only what I do, but also how I live my life. It’s basically a catch-all term for someone like myself who is an expert not just at how to be naughty, but also in knowing how to incorporate that naughty lifestyle into all areas of life. And when I say “naughty,” I actually mean “confident” because self-confidence and having a positive body image are two of the most vital things you need, if you’re to be the best person you can be.
If you’re a confident, go-getting person, then you’re a sexy person and a naughty person, with a real sense of empowerment that should be the central driving force behind everything you do.
So how do I achieve this? Let me share with you my Top 10 secrets behind being a Naughty Lifestyle Expert.
1. I like to spread the word
There’s no point striving to live a naughty lifestyle if nobody else knows about it. So as a Naughty Lifestyle Expert, I’m always spreading the word and trying to teach others about how to live in a similar way. I’m passionate about showing people that they have a choice about the way they live their lives. I see injustice and bullying and social inequality every single day, and much of that is down to peer pressure and ridiculous ‘rules’ which people think they have to live by, because society has told them to. One of my missions in life is to show people that it’s OK to live the life they want to, without restrictions, without judgment and without fear. And the biggest kick I get from that, is when others spread the word for me. Hearing my naughty messages passed on and on along the human chain, is one of the most rewarding feelings ever.
2. I’m as ‘hands-on’ as possible
It’s my job to be an expert in all things naughty, but it’s not enough to just take lots of sex classes or keep an eye on the internet and other media to see what’s ‘in’ and what’s ‘out.’ As well as all my coaching and other educational certifications, and the sex classes I teach regularly, I know that there’s no substitute for actual hands-on experience. I dabble in anything and everything, even if it’s something I’m not crazy about (especially if it’s something I’m not crazy about!) because it’s important for me to know everything about a technique, fetish or sexual practice, if I’m to pass that knowledge on to other people. I never restrict my experiences to just the things I like to do personally, otherwise how can I offer objective and impartial advice to other people wanting to do something different?
So I have many strings to my bow. For instance, I inhabited the fetish world for three years, where I attended tons of fetish events, seminars, classes, trade shows, etc., and I still have many friends in the fetish world. But then I moved on to try other things. I’m also a burlesque performer, which has helped me perfect the art of performance, honed my stripping technique, and kept me in great shape! I’ve been an active member of the adult entertainment industry for over eight years, too, working as a stripper in a wide range of strip clubs from DC and New York City, to Vegas. I’ve been an adult model, and I have a popular website where I post photos and naughty videos of myself alongside other hot girls. And then there’s the sex coaching, which I’ve been doing professionally, with full accreditation, for over four years now. There isn’t a sex class or course I haven’t taken, so all my clients can feel confident in the advice I’m giving them – because I’ve been there and done it.
3. I keep learning every day
One thing I impress upon clients and anybody else who asks me, is how important it is to never stop learning. There is always something new to discover, whether it’s a sexual technique, a new lifestyle method, or simply a different way of approaching common problems and issues. With anything to do with sex, love and relationships, there are no rules, no one-size-fits-all table that we can refer to to fix things. We’re all different, and because of that, there’s so much to learn; a bottomless well of knowledge that we should be tapping into daily. With any profession, you should always be seeking to improve yourself and, as a Naughty Lifestyle Expert, I’m always learning new things. OK, so I already have my sex coaching certifications, and my life experiences are certainly broad enough to warrant the ‘expert’ title, but I still take classes, I still read sex books, and I am still learning from others. Anything I can do to teach myself new stuff, to broaden my horizons even further, I’ll grab it. I am a sexual sponge that can never get enough naughty knowledge to soak up. And whatever I learn, I love passing on to other people. I’m paying it forward.
4. I practice what I preach
I don’t just teach the Naughty Lifestyle, I also live it every day. I’d be a pretty poor teacher if I sat there dictating to people how I think they should be living their lives, then not being prepared to take my own advice, right? If I’m teaching something, or suggesting to others what to do, then believe me, I’m living it myself from the moment I wake up to the moment I go to sleep. Even my dreams are naughty!
For instance, I want to feel sexy when I go to sleep, so I always sleep naked and buy the best silk sheets so I feel surrounded by something sexy. As soon as I wake up, I do things to keep myself feeling hot and looking my best. I might walk around my house naked, slip on some sexy lingerie, or spend time rubbing luxurious lotions into my body so that my skin feels and looks amazing. I’ll make a healthy breakfast so that I feel good on the inside, too, but when it comes to food, it’s not just about what you make, it’s about how you present it, too. I never just make a meal quickly and throw it down my neck. I take care to make meal times as sexy as bedtimes. It’s all about presentation. So I have these sexy red and gold glasses I drink out of (even if I’m only drinking water) along with beautiful plates I’ve bought while overseas. Even my coasters are naughty, with naked photos of 1920s girls on them. Upon my dining room table sits a reproduction statue of three naked girls (the real one is in the Louvre), and is surrounded by sexy candles. My entire house is designed for sex, with erotic pictures on the walls, sexy photos on every shelf, red damask wallpaper in the powder room, and flowers and candles everywhere. It’s about surrounding yourself with sexiness so that everything you do, everything you think, everything you are, is sexual, 24/7.
5. I’m always on the lookout for new naughty things
I’m always looking for new naughty things as there’s always something new to learn about. For instance, when I’m out and about, I might see a new lingerie store that just opened, or a sexy new restaurant or bar that needs my attention (and approval!) Maybe someone told me about something new in the area, like a health spa or a fabulous new place to go take a sexy picnic or watch a sunset. Even if I hear about something that isn’t local to me, but sounds hot, then I’ll take a road trip just to find out more. On my overseas trips, too (I write about How To Be A Naughty Traveler as well…), it’s always at the top of my To Do List, to find exciting new stores, bars, galleries, parks, sights, sounds and smells to share with the readers on my blogs, and it means I have tons of stuff to add into my other books, too. Explore, discover, learn and share…it’s one of my life mantras.
6. I like to show my confidence to the world
Confidence is the most important thing when it comes to being a Naughty Lifestyle Expert. Without it, I can’t be the most beautiful, sassy and sexy person I know I am. Confidence plays a part in every aspect of your life, from work, dating and sex, to how you bring up your kids. Remember that your kids look to you to show them how wonderful and exciting life can be. Everything you do rubs off on them – they are like sponges and they never forget a thing. Every nuance, every throwaway comment, every example you set, they are soaking all of that up and it will shape and define who they are. So by taking care of yourself, by being proactive about what you want from life and doing what it takes to go out and get it, you’re showing your kids that confidence can make things happen.
It’s important to be a self-confident role model, not just for them (after all, not everyone has – or wants – children,) but for yourself, too. Confidence is essential for anybody who wants to follow a Naughty Lifestyle. In fact, it’s so important, that in my 3-part Sex Coaching Course, the Confidence Program is the one I teach before the Dating and Sex Programs. Without confidence, you can’t achieve success in the others.
7. I surround myself with like-minded people
Because being a Naughty Lifestyle Expert is such a niche profession, it’s important to surround myself with people who are similarly open minded and non-judgmental. These are the people I’m most drawn too. I love it when people ask me questions about what I do and are genuinely interested, because that proves to me that there are so many people who are curious about trying something new and just need a gentle nudge to actually doing it. But I won’t hang around with people who are quick to negatively judge what I do or how I live.
Life is short enough, so I just don’t see the point in wasting time trying to justify my choices to those who are too narrow-minded to look beyond their own claustrophobia. All that’s doing is projecting their own lack of confidence, and their fears, onto me, and that’s very selfish. I live the life I want, I live by my own rules, and I make a conscious choice to hang out with people who think the same as me. If other people were brave enough to do the same, then they’d soon find that they start making better choices in other areas of their lives, too. Why? Because they’ll have discovered a new level of self-confidence which is empowering and enriching.
People often ask me ‘how’ I meet such like-minded people. After all, it’s not like you can just go to a bar and ‘spot’ the Naughty-Lifestylers – they don’t wear badges or have tattoos to tell you they’re in the club – and it can be hard for those who want to live a Naughty Lifestyle, to be honest with friend and family about the choices they make. So where do they go? Well, you just need to start doing your homework. There are plenty of groups – like mine – that you can find online. We meet up and go to burlesque shows or strip clubs and just have fun. And when you can relax in groups like mine, you’ll find it a lot easier to just start being yourself and worry so much about what other people think.
It doesn’t mean you have to get rid of your old friends, but it will help filter out those who aren’t good for you and who were maybe holding you back. After all, real friends stick by you whatever choices you make. The others…let them go. And remember, the Naughty Lifestyle isn’t about being naughty all of the time, necessarily, it’s just about having the confidence to be who you are, which can be very intimidating for other people – usually the people who lack the courage to sort their own lives out.
8. I actively help others to live the Naughty Lifestyle
This might seem an obvious ‘secret,’ since this is what I do for a living, but it really is my passion. I’m absolutely committed to teaching others how to live the Naughty Lifestyle, but I also know that it’s not an easy adjustment to make. That’s why I’ve developed so many different programs designed to suit a wide range of people, which address a spectrum of issues and ideas. I keep saying it, but it’s important to stress that we are all different, and that means that there isn’t just a one-size-fits-all program to fix all your problems, either. This is why I offer so many different ways to learn about the Naughty Lifestyle, from one-on-one coaching in person, via email, or over the phone, to individual programs you can purchase online and study in the comfort and privacy of your own home.
I also have a comprehensive sex toy store where people can go to buy sex toys for their new Naughty Lifestyles. You can learn how to be a Naughty Traveler with my travel books and blogs, or maybe sign up to one of my popular sex classes in the Los Angeles area (great for both singles and couples.) Los Angelians can also mingle at one my weekly parties, or hire me for a private tour of the city. Want to host your own naughty party? I can help you do that, too.
9. I always taking care of myself
Being a Naughty Lifestyle Expert isn’t just about being ‘on duty’ when I’m needed, it’s a 24/7 thing. Most people go to work, do their job, and then come home to resume their personal and domestic lives. But what I do isn’t just a job, or an interest, it’s a whole lifestyle – it’s who I am. Lots of people say that they don’t want to be defined by what they do for a living, whereas I am totally defined by my job, and because of that I always need to make sure I’m ready for every eventuality.
Even when I head out of the house, I always make sure to look my best because, as a Naughty Girl, I never know who I’m going to run into, and I like to be ready for every eventuality. I’ve met guys at the most unlikely of locations, at the most unsociable hours, yet gone on to enjoy some fantastic naughty dates with them. So whether I’m picking up dry cleaning, doing the shopping, mailing a letter or just out for some exercise, I am always expecting the unexpected. It’s about valuing yourself and being prepared to always put your best foot forward. That doesn’t mean it’s about being naughty every time you’re out in public, it’s about feeling naughty because, when you feel this way, you’re enhancing your confidence levels, and it’s that confidence that other people will see and respond to.
10. I insist on seeking pleasure every day
The best secret I can divulge about being a Naughty Lifestyle Expert, is to confess that I love pursuing pleasure and actively do so every day. I can’t do my job properly if I have anxieties or worries of my own, so it’s in my interest, as well as the interest of my clients, to ensure that I am the happiest person I can be. Years ago, I used to think that putting my own pleasures and desires above the needs of others, was selfish and egotistical, but that’s ridiculous. The thing is, most Western societies condition us to believe that pleasure has to be earned, that it’s a ‘reward’ for doing virtuous things. Heard the phrase “there’s no pleasure without pain?” Well that might be true in some instances, but the two concepts are not mutually exclusive.
So I always tell my clients that they should stop feeling gulity about the idea of pursuing pleasure purely for its own sake, because there’s nothing wrong with it. In fact, prioritizing your own pleasure over anybody else’s will not only make you a happier person, it will make you a better lover, because you’ll know yourself intimately and be able to share that knowledge with partners. Anyone who is confident enough to talk openly about what they want, whether it’s sexual, spiritual or personal, is a person other people will want to be around. Love yourself first, if you want others to love you back.