Not in the Mood?
12 Ways To Rev Up Your Sex Drive
You know the feeling, that stale, empty pit in your emotional stomach that tells you you’re stuck in a relationship rut, and you’ve no idea how you got there? Being in a long term relationship means that routine is inevitable. But it also means that you start taking each other for granted. You grow so used to each other that you stop trying to keep things fresh. It’s as though once you’re over the ‘honeymoon phase’ (or in some cases, the actual honeymoon,) that you feel you don’t have to make an effort any more. You’ve got your man, and he’s got you, so why do you need to keep trying so hard to impress?
But if you don’t watch out, then it’s not just the relationship that suffers, it’s your entire sex life as well. Remember when you first got together with your lover? You were probably having wild sex every night, still crazy about having found ‘the one.’ Maybe over time that sex switched down to just a few times a week, as the heady excitement wore off. That’s not to say you and your partner don’t still love each other, but how much are you actually in love with each other? Or, indeed, in lust?
When you’ve been with someone for a long time, it’s easy to let the sex slide. Busy schedules, demanding careers, having children, all these things can impact the quality time you and your lover spend together, and the longer you let this happen, the more likely you are to drift apart. That’s not to say that sex is the sealant that keeps people together, but if you lose that sexual spark between you, no matter how much you love one another, then it’s only a matter of time before ‘the split’ happens. Sex doesn’t just feel amazing, it keeps us connected to one another in a unique, everlasting way. It’s the ultimate form of physical and spiritual communication between two people, so why would you not want a piece of that?
Sometimes all you need is just a little help to re-inject the spice back into your sex life. Your libido can be affected by so many things, like diet, environment, work and personal health, but maintaining a healthy interest in sex is easy to do – just follow my 12 top tips for revving up your sex life, and rediscover the old, sexy, sassy you.
1. Work out
Working out has obvious health benefits, like losing weight and boosting energy, but exercise is also great for giving your libido a good old push in the right direction. When you exercise, your body produces endorphins; those feelgood chemicals which hurtle around your body making you feel invincible. Endorphins also make you feel sexy as hell. An hour spent down at the gym or, if you’re not a gym bunny, a simple jog around the block or a power walk through the park, can send hit after hit of horny endorphins spinning around your body.
The benefits of working out include:
* Increased libido – as mentioned, getting those feelgood chemicals riding around your bloodstream are going to put you in the mood for sex. Exercise with your lover, even if it’s just 30 minutes a few times a week, and see how horny you both feel afterwards. Watching each other get sweaty and breathless is a great precursor for what could happen later on!
* Instant energy – even if you’re not planning sex, the energy boost regular exercise gives you shouldn’t be underestimated. If you’re constantly tired or stressed and think that you just don’t ￼have time to exercise as well, think again. Small amounts of exercise will actually give you the extra energy you need to deal with the other stuff that’s stressing you out. Go back to basics, by putting aside a half hour each day to just get that heart pumping. Afterwards, you’ll find yourself completing daily tasks in half the time, with energy left over. And guess what you can use that spare energy on…?
* Keeps a steady heart rate – we don’t pay enough attention to our heart, because we can’t see it, it’s just ‘there.’ But we obviously can’t live without it, so you need to start taking care of the most important organ we have. Maintaining a steady heart rate is important in keeping everything else healthy. If you make your heart work too hard, through stress, worry and, yes, over-exercising, then it means the heart is distracted from its real purpose – pumping blood around our bodies and looking after our other organs. Healthy exercise strengthens our heart muscles, which regulates blood flow, which keeps every other part of us working the way it should.
* Relieves stress – it’s those endorphins again. When we’re stressed, tired or anxious, that can lead to depression if we don’t do something about it. Depression loves to latch onto tired people, but you have to start treating depression and stress as physical symptoms (not mental ones) which can be cured by physical action. There is increasing evidence to suggest that depression is not a mental, emotional disease, but a very real physical one. To combat depression, physical movement like exercise has been proven to work wonders, because the good feelgood chemicals attack the ‘downer’ chemicals which make you feel so low. Think of endorphins as the knights in shining armor, riding in on horseback to vanquish the black trolls of depression. Feeling down? Get outside and go marching for 30 minutes. Pump that heart, release the white knights, banish your trolls.
* Helps you focus and stay alert – we all feel foggy at one time or another, and that’s because the blood flow to our brains slows down when we’re not moving. Sat at the office desk, or in front of the TV, it’s easy to get tired and lethargic. Paying attention at work can be difficult if your brain can’t focus properly. Regular exercise leads to increased blood flow, a more alert brain, and increased focus.
* You’ll look good!– one of the most obvious reasons for working out, is the physical benefit you’ll enjoy. Losing a few pounds, toning up those muscles, is going to get you noticed. And who doesn’t feel great when other people pay you attention? Exercise doesn’t just make you feel good, it makes you look good. And if you love the way you look, then that in turn boosts your self-confidence and makes you feel super sexy.
2. Dress sexy
Just putting on something sexy such as lingerie, nylons, lipstick, a sexy dress etc., anything that makes you feel sexy, can get your libido flowing. When you think you feel sexy, you look better to yourself and your mood improves along with your confidence. Whether you wear a sexy dress out for a date, or wear sexy lingerie under your work clothes or when you get home, just looking at yourself in what you think looks sexy can increase your sex drive. For example, before going out on a date or before your lover comes home, put on your sexiest lingerie and walk around in it. If you have kids, then put on your lingerie but put a sexy robe over it…just feel glamorous! Your confidence will show to your kids, which is a good thing, even if they don’t know the reason why! When I was younger, my mom just walked around naked all the time, which I think was a positive thing, because it taught me not to be self-conscious about my own body.
Then, when I was at school, it was never a problem for me to undress in front of everybody in the locker room, because to me it was totally natural. Obviously, some other girls felt uncomfortable around me, because they either felt self-conscious about their own bodies, or had been brought up to believe that being naked was bad, something to be ashamed of. My mom showed me, without her even realizing it, that I should be proud of my body. Even today, I still walk around naked in my house and in the changing rooms (no towel needed to walk from toilet, lockers, steam room and showers.) It’s not about being an exhibitionist, it’s just that this is how we were made, so why is society so obsessed with hiding it! I love my body, flaws and all. Plus when I walk around naked, and I see my body in mirrors, it makes me feel sexy and sensual.
I’m not saying you need to walk around naked in front of your kids, but what you do and feel about yourself comes across to your kids. Kids are like sponges and they soak up everything and are aware of everything. So be confident and proud and don’t bring them up to think that naked bodies are anything to be ashamed of, otherwise you run the risk of them developing their own body confidence issues later on.
So whatever you find sexy, wear it. Do it before your lover comes over for a date or comes home. Sight is the quickest response sense we have, so give your lover something to react to the next time he sees you! Feeling sexy will get not just your libido going, but his, too.
3. Sexy workout classes
Working out is one thing, but not everyone likes to go to the gym, go to workout classes, or exercise at home to workout videos. But you can still get a good workout by doing other things which, to you, are much more stimulating and fun to do. The important thing about any exercise is that you have to enjoy it, it should never be a chore, otherwise what’s the point? So finding something physical and fun, goes a long way to making you feel good…and sexy. You’ll also boost your own self-confidence because you’ll start to look twice as amazing as you did before, and you’ll feel a million times more sexual.
Some of these classes below will literally get your juices flowing, so be prepared to feel hot all evening long. Take these classes alone, with friends, or tell your partner about them and ask him to join you. You can always surprise him, too, with a gift token for a special, sexy exercise class you can do together. If you’re a more private couple, there are DVDs you can use together so you can tone up, and strip off, in the comfort of your own home.
No one has to know that you’re taking pole or lap dancing classes – it can be your sexy little secret – but the thrilling thing is that you’ll know. It will be like a naughty little private thing that only you and maybe your partner know about, which will in turn make you feel more sexual. Even if you’re not with a partner, take these classes anyway to boost your sexual confidence. Plus, when you have more confidence, that’s going to show on the outside and you’ll suddenly find yourself irresistible to the opposite sex.
Classes you can try include:
Pole dancing is becoming a very popular way to stay in shape. It’s fun, sexy, completely accessible and, most importantly, it gets every single muscle working, including your heart. Sometimes exercise can be dull, so pole dancing adds that extra bit of kick to your fitness routine and, trust me, there’s no better way to tone those arms, legs, tummy and butt, than throwing yourself around a shiny metal pole! After even a short time, you’ll become more flexible, supple and have more stamina, which is definitely going to come in handy in the bedroom.
Pole dancing will also boost your self-confidence, as well as your body confidence. It’s a fantastic way to just let yourself go and shed those inhibitions, and that’s going to make you feel super sexy. You can use some of the moves you’ve learned to spice things up with your lover, maybe give him a pole dancing show as part of your foreplay (you can buy poles to install at home.) Pole dancing classes are springing up all over the world, especially in the US, and all kinds of women go along, they’re not all supermodels. So if the gym isn’t for you, try something new.
Burlesque is a style of erotic dancing suitable for everyone, whatever size and shape you are. It’s about performance, about showing off what you’ve got and being confident doing it. We’ve all seen Dita Von Teese, Sally Rand and Gypsy Rose Lee, strutting their stuff and looking like the most confident people in the world – but it’s all in the performance, the act, and there’s no reason why you can’t do the same. If you’re not happy with the way you look or you just lack self-esteem, burlesque dancing is the ultimate way to shed those insecurities and discover a whole new side to yourself.
A burlesque class will teach you how to love every lump, bump and curve of your body and, more importantly, make you want to show them off. As well as being a great confidence booster, burlesque dancing is fantastic exercise, too. If you want to tone up or learn how to be more flexible, a burlesque class is the perfect solution. If you’re a bit shy, then buy a burlesque video where you can learn moves in the comfort of your home. Then, once people start noticing your new body and new self-belief, you won’t mind telling them how you got them.
Lap Dance Classes
If you want to get really steamy, both in and out of the bedroom, then learn how to lap dance. Like burlesque and pole dancing, there are classes opening up all over the place, and the girls who attend are a real mix of sizes, shapes and ages. But don’t be fooled by those easy-looking shimmies and shakes, because lap dancing can be serious exercise! Combining dancing with slow, sexy moves, takes coordination and stamina, so you’ll be giving your body a proper muscle workout as you learn all the moves. Lap dancing is a fun way to initiate foreplay with your lover, and what guy is going to say no to a sexy woman bumping and grinding up against him? It’s a huge turn on, for both of you, so look for a class near you.
It’s free and one of the best workouts for your body. Walking is a great way to start an exercise program, particularly if you have not been active in a while. 30 minutes a day is all you need to get your body in motion. Walking doesn’t have to seem like a workout because you can easily fit walking into your daily routine. Try a brisk walk after dinner or when you’re on vacation to see the sights. If possible walk to the store instead of taking your car. Getting out in the fresh air after being inside all day trapped behind a desk can really clear your head, help you process your thoughts, stretch out tired muscles and can give you fresh energy for your evening. Walking is great exercise for your whole body. It helps your heart and works out your legs and butt.
Sexy Tip: Take a stroll on the beach where the resistance from the sand helps work out your bum and legs really well. Plus you can show off your body in a bathing suit along with getting a tan. Dance Classes
If you’re feeling more energetic, then dance classes are the way to go. It doesn’t matter what dance you choose – salsa, tango, maybe swing – it’s about all those calories you’re going to burn as you fly around the room having fun. Most dances also require a partner, so joining a class is a great way to make new friends and boost your confidence. Health-wise, dancing works your heart and really gets the blood pumping, which makes you burn calories faster, and will strengthen your core balance. Your butt and legs will become firm and toned, and your coordination will improve drastically. Look at shows like Dancing With The Stars. How many times do you hear of the contestants losing weight as they rehearse and perform over the weeks? Dancing is a fabulous way to shed the pounds, build muscle, and increase your stamina. You’ll feels sexy, confident, energetic and ready for some dancing of a different kind – in the bedroom.
This is a great thing to do if you want to work those abdominal muscles, especially. Belly dancing centers most activity around the tummy and pelvis, but it’s a whole lot more fun than doing crunches or stretches down at the gym. Plus, you get to wear some very sexy clothes that’ll transform you into a real tigress as you dance. As well as toning your tum, you’ll learn how to build on your inner core, how to balance properly, and how to move your body in a way that not only looks sexy, but feels sexy to you, too. And your lover is going to be keen to see what you’re learning, week-on-week, so if he’s good, you can give him a free show.
4. Masturbate & have more sex
You know the saying “use it or lose it?” Well that definitely holds true when it comes to sex. If you stop masturbating or having sex then yes, you will start to lose your libido, simply because your body will forget what it’s like to orgasm! I know what you’re thinking….but what if I’m not in the mood for sex? Well you don’t have to be ‘in the mood’ to masturbate, you just do it and within seconds you’ll remember why it feels so good. Even better, you can do it any time, anywhere, and you don’t need a guy to help you, no schedules to co-ordinate, there’s nothing to discuss. By masturbating regularly, you’ll re-train your body to get into the mood for sex and you’ll feel horny all the time.
The benefits of masturbating and having more sex include:
• Having regular sex helps to improve the blood flow to your sexual organs which can help to increase the intensity of your orgasms.
• Sex gives you a rosy glow and makes you look more radiant which can last all day.
• More sex increases your estrogen levels which are essential for healthy, smooth and glowing skin and hair. Producing more estrogen also helps to protect against heart disease, osteoporosis and Alzheimer’s disease.
• Having plenty of sex can make you look four to seven years younger.
• Sex makes you happier and brings a smile to your face throughout the day.
• Having more sex can boost your immune system and help protect you against infections, colds, the flu and speed up the healing of cuts, blisters and bruises.
• Sex can be sexually healing for you as a person if done in a healthy and non-addictive way.
• Having an orgasm can help to alleviate headaches and migraines. Plus they can even help to decrease PMS symptoms and arthritis pain.
• A great way to relieve stress is by having an orgasm. Many people don’t want to have sex when they’re stressed but it’s the perfect way to reduce it.
• Sex helps you to sleep better. So if you’re having problems sleeping then masturbate or have a quickie with your lover.
• The more sex you have the more you learn about your body and the more in touch you are with it which can help increase your confidence levels and help you to have better orgasms.
• Having sex helps to tone your abs, pelvic floor, hips, legs, arms, buttocks, core and PC muscles depending on the variety of sex positions you choose.
• Having lots of sex can help you with weight loss.
• Regular sex is a great aerobic workout and good for your heart.
• Masturbation help you learn more about your own body, about what gets you off and which different techniques are most pleasurable to you. This gives you an arsenal of information to give to you lover about how to sexually please you.
• Masturbation is the single, most effective solo stress reliever. It’s instant, safe, and there’s no such thing as an overdose.
• Masturbation gives you valuable ‘me time’ that you wouldn’t otherwise get. When you get five minutes to yourself, don’t reach for a book or switch on the TV. Grab your favorite vibe and get to work!
• Masturbating every day keeps the doctor away!
Want to get your juices flowing? Then read some erotica. Just reading about sex will get your mind thinking naughty thoughts which will get your genitals thinking of it too. You could even try writing a small erotica teaser of your own, just a paragraph that’s full of graphic content, to see how naughty it makes you feel. Are you starting to feel a tingle feeling between your legs, nipples or anywhere else?
Our brains are so powerful, it’s where our imagination lives, after all, so by using graphic words to tell a naughty story, it stimulates not just those gorgeous endorphins that tell us we feel sexy, but it ignites our anticipation and excitement. Men usually just look at erotic images to get off, but women know how powerful the written word can be, so perhaps you can educate your lover in the multiple benefits of erotica. Maybe read some passages together, or make your own up with pieces of paper you swop between you, writing down a few naughty sentences each time until you have a complete story. This is a great way to indulge some fantasies, and can also be a roundabout way of letting your lover know what naughty things you’d like him to do to you.
If you’re new to erotica, or your library needs some fresh works on the shelf, you can find some of my own erotica on Amazon, many from only 99 cents, and all true stories!
•Casa Del Mar – The Threesome
•A wild tale of hotel sex with my Scottish lover and a hot brunette.
•The Kilted One – Morning Wood
•More sexy morning fun with my man in a kilt.
•Road Head – Pacific Coast Highway
•Hot hand action along the heady Pacific Coast.
Don’t care for erotica? That’s fine, because there are so many other things that can get you off. Maybe a romance novel is what gets your imagination working overtime, so just take the night off and read a steamy bodice-ripper to get you in the mood for when your lover comes over.
Studies have shown that whenever subjects are shown pornography (naked photos or videos of people having sex) they can’t help but get aroused. Why do you think religions tell people not to look at this stuff? Because then they lose control over you and your choices. Listen, there’s nothing wrong with sex, and there’s nothing wrong with watching people have sex. As long as everything is consensual, then what’s the problem?
So go ahead and look at some erotic photos and/or videos. There’s so much out on the market so get what you fancy. If your idea of pornography is the stereotypical big-boobed, plastic women being exploited by aggressive men, then you need to educate yourself. Porn has come a long way (excuse the pun!) These days, there are so many different genres of porn, from fantasy and role play, to ‘true stories,’ workplace scenarios even homemade videos. There are movies with girls in charge, men in charge, or just equal control – whatever you’re into, there’s a porno for you. There are also plenty of naughty magazines out there, or you can go online to look up naughty photos and even videos. I know for some people this might not be your thing, but maybe that’s because you’ve never tried it, and the reason you’ve never tried it is because you’ve been taught that pornography is wrong, something to be ashamed of. It isn’t. Used correctly, pornography can be hugely stimulating for both of you.
It doesn’t even have to be full nudity that turns you on – just the suggestion of nudity, keeping some mystery as to what lies beneath, is often more erotic than stripping off entirely. Leaving something to the imagination is guaranteed to get your juices flowing, but the fact remains that ￼￼￼￼
sexual images are arousing, it’s simple human nature. So before your lover comes over, look at some erotic pictures or a video to get turned on, or make it sexy and look at/watch it together.
I’ve been practicing yoga for 15 years so I know just how great yoga is for so many things, including making sex incredible. At first, I only used yoga for the general health benefits, like loosening up, mind concentration, sturdier balance and inner focus, that kind of thing. I’d worked for an holistic magazine when I lived in London, and I’d started a similar publication back at home, but it was only when I went on vacation to the Maldives, where I met a yoga instructor who taught me how to use yoga for better sex and to increase my libido, that I’ve actively incorporated his exercises throughout both my yoga routines and my daily life, too. The result is I feel hornier and sexier, all day every day.
A 2009 research project printed in the Journal of Sexual Medicine discovered that most women who implemented a 12-week yoga training program claimed increases in sexual desire, arousal, lubrication and satisfaction. What greater persuasion do you need to get out there and discover this relaxing yet potent form of exercise and meditation, in order to wake up those dormant sexual desires sleeping inside you?
So if you want to jump-start your libido and get sexually fit then incorporate yoga into your daily exercise routine. It’s great for women who are looking to have intense orgasms solo or with a partner. It all starts with strengthening your core because the more control you have over your pelvic floor muscles and sex organs the more intense your orgasms. Plus regular yoga practice reduces stress and tension which will help you get in the mood for sex. If you want even greater results then combine yoga, Pilates, chakra balancing, sexy dances (belly dance, pole or lap dancing ) and tantra for amazing sex.
Benefits of yoga for better sex include:
• Slimmer body – which makes you feel sexier
• Increased flexibility – so you don’t have to worry about reaching those tricky sexual positions (Kama Sutra, here you come!)
• Stronger immunity – so you can stave off disease and always feel ready for sex * Lowers blood pressure – which can help you live longer and destress
• Improved mood – yoga helps the heart and mind, helping you feel calm, relaxed, and happy with yourself
• Increased energy – yoga gets your endorphins flowing and regulates your blood pressure, leading to increased focus, awareness and loads of get-up-and-go
• Better sex – you’ll feel energized, focused, confident and sexually alert, as well as being supple and flexible enough to achieve any sexual position you want…and then some
• Yoga helps to clear and unclog your chakras – allowing your body to regain its natural inner ebb and flow
￼￼￼￼￼￼￼￼￼￼ • Lowers stress – which makes you more relaxed and puts you in the mood for sex
• Loosens you up – yoga helps make you supple and loosens up your hips and pelvic area for easier movement of your body so you can stay longer in sex positions
• Strengthens your core and pelvic floor – the stronger your muscles in this area, the more intense your orgasms
• Increased levels of intimacy – yoga allows you to connect with yourself and others around you, which helps you shed inhibitions and take control of what makes you happy.
Try one of these excellent books which will show you exactly why yoga can lead to better sex:
•Intimate Yoga For Couples Book & DVD Better Sex Through Yoga
•Slim Calm Sexy Yoga
In my Naughty Lifestyle Program, I made a video called “Yoga for better sex” with yoga poses to increase your libido. Here’s one for women that will boost your libido by getting blood flowing directly to your genitals.
1. Lay on a yoga mat, on your stomach, legs stretched out behind you and arms folded in front of you so you can lay your head on them to rest.
2. With your mounds area (the fleshy area above your clit) on the floor, take a moment to feel this area as you rest on the mat. It’s a raised area so it should be resting on the mat with your body weight pressing it down.
3. Once you tune in to this area, focus on it mentally and physically then take your pelvis and lift it up in the air, just a little so as not to hurt your back, by keeping your legs and upper body still.
4. Only move your pelvis area up, then press your mounds area/pelvis back on the floor. Really press it into the floor (not too hard, though,) just enough to feel it and hold it for a few seconds. You should feel this right away, but if you don’t, just give it some time and really relax your mind. Let go of your stress and any worries and just focus on this area. Do 20 reps by moving your pelvis up and down 20 times. This is a great exercise for getting the blood flowing to your genitals. Do this before having sex with your partner or masturbating because, if this exercise is done right, it will get you aroused immediately!
More great yoga poses for fanastic sex:
This position stretches the inner thighs and allows greater blood flow to the pelvic area. It opens your hips to provide a direct chakra line with no obstacles, leading to increased circulation and a concentration of blood where it matters most – around your genitals.
￼￼ – Sit upright and spread your legs apart as wide as they will go. You don’t have to be an Olympic gymnast and do a full splits, just push them as much as is comfortable.
– Press the backs of your thighs into the floor, with your toes and knees pointed skywards.
– Breathe in, stretch your torso. Hold. Then lean forward from the hips as you breathe out, and grab your big toes.
– Hold for 10 breaths, stretching your torso with each one so your chest is extended the further down you stretch.
This pose is more about reconnecting with yourself and reigniting your sensuality. By doing this, you’re creating space in your mind to allow yourself to feel sexual, which many of us just don’t find the time for. You can’t feel sexy if you don’t make time for it. This pose helps you just ‘be in the moment.
– Lie flat on your back, somewhere hard like the floor, not your bed.
– Rest your arms beside you, palms skywards, but open your legs as wide as feels comfortable (this isn’t a stretch, it’s a static position, so whatever feels most relaxing.) – Let your feet ‘loll’ to the outer side.
– Stay like this for 5 minutes, taking care to clear your mind and keeping your body completely still.
Brilliant for keeping your vagina toned, this exercise is like doing kegel exercises because you’re flexing the same muscles.
– Lie on your back with your knees up and bent and your feet flat on the floor, level with each side of your hips.
– Push up with your buttocks, so your thighs, groin and chest are pushed to the sky.
– Keep your arms pushed straight forward in the shadow of your buttocks, your fingers interlacing, drawing your shoulder blades together.
– Hold for 10 breaths, with deep inhaling and exhaling.
Love energy comes from your heart, so this pose opens up your heart chakra and helps you achieve sexual intimacy.
– Lie on your belly with your forehead on the floor.
– Place your palms down by your mid-chest.
– Keep your legs together and stretch them out behind you, pressing the tops of your feet into the floor.
– Draw your elbows up to the side of your body.
– Using your back (not your hands) lift your chest slowly from the floor, rolling back your shoulders. Use your arms for support, but not to help you lift.
– Use your leg muscles to help bend your back.
– Hold for 10 seconds, breathing steadily, then rest back to the floor and repeat 10 times.
The Shoulder Stand
This pose sends the blood rushing to your hips and brain which is an instant energy boost. It also makes you look at and mentally focus on your hips, which is where a lot of sexual intimacy begins.
￼￼￼- Lie on your back with feet flat to the floor, hip-width apart.
– Keep your arms alongside you, your palms up.
– Bend your knees into your chest and roll your hips u pand over until your legs go over your head and your toes are behind you.
– Use your hands to support your lower back as you bend, fingers facing up.
– Lift your right leg back towards the ceiling, following with your left leg.
– Press your legs into each other and hold for 5 breaths.
– Lower your hands to the floor and roll your spine back, one vertebra at a time until your hips reach the floor.
– Bend your knees and place your feet flat to the floor.
– Repeat 5 times.
8. Kegel exercises
What are kegel exercises? They’re exercises which work the pelvic and vaginal muscles to ensure maximum strength, flexibility and response during sex. The stronger your pelvic muscles, the more intense your orgasm is going to be. Better still, you get to control how those muscles work! Doing kegel exercises is an instant way to get your juices flowing by flexing and relaxing your pelvic muscle (also called PC, or pubococcygeus, muscles.) Doing the exercises slow or fast will have different effects on different people, so go with what feels comfortable. Going fast for some can get many excited, whereas others may like it slower.
If you’ve given birth, or are getting older, kegel exercises can help you regain the pelvic strength you once had. Stronger PC muscles also reduce the risk vaginal prolapse, when pelvic muscles slip out of place after childbirth, menopause or a hysterectomy. But women of all ages, whether they’re mothers or not, should pay attention to their pelvic health, and discover why kegel exercises will be such a benefit to your sex life.
￼Using Your PC Muscles:
This exercise you can do anywhere, but if you feel more comfortable you can do it in the privacy of your own home. They won’t take up any of your time during the day as you can do them while brushing your teeth, blow drying your hair, during yoga, at the office, at the dentist, while waiting in line and just about anywhere else as no one will be able to tell what you’re doing.
1. Start by contracting the muscle you would use to stop urination. If you’re having problems finding your PC muscle, then go to the toilet to urinate. When your flow begins, try to stop it completely. Then relax your muscle to continue urinating and start and stop again. This is your PC muscle.
2. Once you’ve found your PC muscle, then contract, squeeze and hold it lightly for five seconds. Then release the muscle fully for another five seconds. Repeat ten times for three repetitions.
Using Your Fingers
1. Insert your index and middle finger into your vagina and open your fingers like a V. Use your PC muscles as described above to squeeze your fingers together and hold for five seconds. Then release your muscles and fingers and relax for five seconds. Repeat ten times for three repetitions. Using a Gyneflex. If you don’t care to insert your fingers into your vagina, then you can use a Gyneflex, a Kegelmaster or anything similar to them. These are very simple to use and very effective. They act as a resistance device that you insert into your vagina, then use your PC muscles to squeeze the device together. You can use them in your bed or shower, anywhere you can be naked, relax and practice. This way if you do get turned on it will be easy to please yourself.
2. Start by squeezing and holding for five seconds then release for five seconds. You can also mix it up with ten quick squeezes. Repeat ten times for three repetitions.
Using Kegel Balls
You can do other kegel exercises internally, too, by using kegel balls, so you can exercise naturally throughout the day. They’re so easy to use, just insert, and off you go with your day. Using internal kegel balls can also be very arousing, so what better reason to use them as you go about your day! All you have to do is insert them into your vagina and wear them for one to two hours a day. The balls do all the work as you don’t even have to think about them once they’re inside of you. The balls are weighted so your PC muscles involuntarily contract to hold them in.
9. Sex Classes
You probably don’t know these exist, but try looking online for sex classes in your area, some places offer free ones. There’s everything from how to improve your oral sex techniques and how to give your lover a mind blowing orgasm, to handjob classes and sexual intimacy lessons. These classes are great for helping you to feel more confident, sexier and more knowledgable about sex. Maybe going to a blowjob class will help get your juices flowing as they talk about different techniques to try on your partner. Then on your way home, thinking about all the things you’ve learned will turn you on as you think about surprising your lover with your new techniques. If you can’t find anything in your area (not everybody lives in a big city,) or you prefer to learn on your own, away from prying eyes, then I offer a great online sex program to help you become a better lover. Simply visit my Naughty Lifestyle Program page to find out about the Sex Program.
10. Hump Something!
Do you remember humping things as a kid? Pillows, teddy bears, couch arms, anything you could hump? Well I know I did, and I remember how amazing it felt. I’ve been humping things and having orgasms since I was 4 years old – seriously! Now I know that not everyone was this lucky to learn how to do this so early, but anyone can get off by humping. In fact, humping is not dissimilar from the first yoga exercise I describe above, which utilized the mounds area to get yourself off. It’s simply about putting pressure on your mounds to increase blood flow to the genitals, and help invoke your clit to orgasm.
Don’t worry about feeling silly or childish, because tons of women do it, and no one has to look, this is something you can enjoy by yourself as and when the mood takes you. Never feel bad about how you get yourself off, it’s the most natural human impulse, so don’t fight it. Plus, there are so many great sex toys and furniture out which are specifically designed to help you hump yourself to ￼￼￼￼￼￼￼a climax.
Here are a few examples:
This sexy soft furnishing comes in lots of great colors and looks as discreet as it does naughty. It’s a humpable piece of foam with an added extra – a space for your favorite dildo or vibrator. Simply fix your dildo into the attachment and get riding. The foam is so squeezable you can even hump this mount without a toy.
Remote Vibrating Pillow
This pretty pillow is the perfect humper. Put it between your legs then use the remote control to activate the internal massager. There are ten speeds and powers to play with and because it’s remote, you can let it do its business between your legs as you control things further up.
Plush Pillow Toy Storer
This is a super sexy way to hide your favorite sex toys, and is also a fantastic humper. It’s velvety soft to the touch and is ideal to put between your legs when you feel the urge to hump. And because your vibes are inside it, everything’s close to hand when you need it. The cover is removeable, too, for easy cleaning.
Vibrating Pillowcase with Dildo
To get the best of both worlds, try this luxury pillowcase over one of your normal pillows, then use the velcro pad to attach the ‘hump bump’ foam humper, into which fits an added extra – a flare dildo. You can either use the hump bump alone to get yourself off, or go penetrative with the dildo. Either way, your satisfaction is guaranteed.
11. Sex Toys
Sometimes sex toys can be just what you need to get your libido going. Just having penetrative sex isn’t always enough for women. In fact, few women orgasm through penetrative sex at all. We need clit stimulation, too, and often we need vibrations to go with it. If you’ve never used sex toys, then you are absolutely missing out on SO much pleasure. Not just for yourself, but your partner. Using sex toys is a great way to discover what really pleases you, sexually, because if you don’t know how you like to get off, then how can your partner know?
There are so many sex toys out on the market, it’s easy to get lost in the choice available, especially if you’re new to them. So take some time to get educated and just browse at your leisure in my online sex toy store, Sienna Sinclaire Sex Shop. Here, you can find everything from vibrators, dildos and warming lubes, to rabbits, nipple toys and massagers.
You can also learn more about my sex coaching program, where I talk in detail about sex toys and how they can help boost your sex life. Simply visit my website, Naughty Lifestyle Coach, to find out more.
12. Change of Scenery
If you find yourself doing the same old sex positions in your bedroom night after night or, worse, once a month, then it’s time to switch things up. Doing the same thing over and over again can put a huge dampener on your libido for both partners because routine kills the imagination and stops you experimenting. Tell me if this sounds familiar – you only have sex with your lover once a week, ￼￼￼￼￼￼￼￼￼￼￼￼at night, after you both get off work, when the kids are in bed, and even then it’s the usual missionary position and everything’s over before you know it? That’s functional sex, duty sex, it’s not sexy sex. So you need a change of scenery, perhaps literally.
If you’re use to having sex in the bedroom, then say no more to having sex in the bed. Make it a point to have sex in other areas of the house, or when you’re out. You can have sex in the shower, bath, over the sink, and there is a great range of shower sex toys and equipment out there to make things safer – and spicier.
Or you can have sex in the kitchen, over the worktop or on the kitchen table. Take it outside to the patio and make love on the sun loungers or the bare, naked grass. If you’re used to having sex in the dark, change it, and keep the lights on, or make love by candlelight or firelight, just something to make it different and more romantic. Perhaps you can invest in some dimmer switches (they cost as little as $5) so you can alter the light intensity according to the mood.
And instead of treating going to bed as the end of the day, with no makeup on and your hair in a casual pony, or just lying as it falls, get prepared for bedtime. Treat it like the event it is. Wear some sexy lingerie, put some makeup on, do your hair into a sexy, sassy style. Light some candles, some incense, and create a sensual atmosphere. Have your lover meet you in the living room, hand him a glass of wine, make a naughty dinner for you both to enjoy. Investing in yourself is just as important as investing in your relationship. If you don’t apply effort to either, you’ll get nothing out. So sex yourself up a little and inject some much needed eroticism into your home life.
Small changes like this will have a huge impact on your libido and your general outlook on life. If you feel good, and have a positive attitude, the rest will follow, particularly when it comes to sex. Boredom can be lethal for your libido, so be sure never to get bored or too comfortable with your lover. Just because you’ve been with them for a long time, doesn’t mean that some exciting new woman isn’t going to come along who catches their eye, something you used to do for them, remember? Always treat your lover as though you could lose them at any time, and make sure he treats you the same. Never get complacent about how someone else feels about you. People change, that’s human nature, but by keeping things fresh and always being willing to try new things and reinvent yourself at a moment’s notice, will go a long way to keeping that sexual thrill alive and well in any relationship.