How To Swing
Swinging, or “the Lifestyle,” is becoming increasingly popular with couples. It’s when you and your partner have sex with other couples or individuals, either at organized events or private parties. Everything is 100% consensual from both partners and swinging has been proven to help strengthen some relationships in many ways. For instance, one partner might want to explore certain sexual fantasies which their lover isn’t into, so swinging lets them indulge that fantasy without cheating. Other couples have sex with different people so they can learn new techniques or just widen their experience, which makes them better in bed with their regular lover. But it can be tricky to know if swinging is right for you. Also, how do you even approach the subject with your wife or girlfriend?
How to bring it up
It doesn’t matter how long you’ve been together or how well you think you know your lover, swinging is never an easy subject to broach. In fact, the longer you’ve been in a relationship, the trickier it can be, because your lover will wonder why it’s taken so long for you to mention it. Don’t just steam on in and say “I want to try swinging,” you need to be more subtle. Perhaps say that you read something in the newspaper and you were wondering about what her views were. Or you could tell her that you saw a TV program that claimed most women have fantasies about swinging, so is this true for her? Gauge her reaction and trust your instinct about whether you can pursue the subject further.
Set the ground rules
If you’ve got past the talking stage and have agreed to give swinging a try, it’s vital to set some ground rules. Swinging only works when there’s 100% trust. After all, you’re going to see your lover having sex with someone else – how is this really going to make you feel? You have to agree what each of you can and can’t do. Maybe you’re OK with her having vaginal sex with someone but you don’t want her to have anal or oral sex with another guy. For her, she might not be comfortable seeing you have a threesome, but she’s OK with you going down on another woman. Agree what’s allowed and what isn’t, and go from there.
Your first time
It’s going to be strange swinging for the first time, so just remember that you don’t actually have to ‘do’ anything. Always go to reputable, organized parties or events (go online to find one near you,) and read up on the etiquette before you go as most swinging events will have strict rules about what you can and can’t do. Communicate with your lover as much as you can as the evening wears on, ask her if she’s comfortable and reconfirm that she’s happy for you to sleep with another woman. When it actually gets to the moment of no return, a lot of couples can find that they’re not OK with the concept after all, so be prepared to go home unsatisfied if your lover changes her mind. More importantly, respect her decision, because this is about both of you, not just what you want.
Different ways to swing
At most swinging events there will be different rooms for different activities. Voyeurism is common, watching others have sex, and this is a good way to get accustomed to the swinging scene if you’re still a bit nervous about participating yourself. ‘Soft-swinging’ is anything outside of penetrative sex, so oral sex, masturbation, kissing etc. ‘Full swinging’ is going all the way. Threesomes and group sex are also common, but all participants must be identified before the sex begins – you can’t just see a group having sex and decide to join in. You don’t need to be in a couple, to swing, either. Plenty of single people attend swinging parties, although it’s much easier for women to gain admittance as a single guest than it is for guys, so check out the events in your area to see which ones accept single men.
For a lot more information on how to swing and doing it safely and responsibly, check out my Sex Coaching Program now.