Setting Boundaries for Dating
If you have a history of failed relationships or you just don’t think you’re ‘good’ at dating, then it’s time to re-examine your dating habits to see if there are any behavioral patterns you can change. Too many men just go through the motions when they’re dating – go to a bar/restaurant, pay for dinner, laugh at her jokes, maybe have sex later and then, bam, you’re “in a relationship,” but it’s a relationship which is going to go nowhere because neither of you have really taken the time to see if you’re actually compatible. So you need to take more care and time over the way you date, and that means setting boundaries.
Know what you want
Knowing what you don’t want from a date is just as important as knowing what you do want. If you’re just after a booty call, be clear about this from the outset so your date doesn’t get offended later on (yes, there are plenty of girls who are just out for sex, too, you just have to both say so.) If you’re just out to have some fun and not get serious, make sure your date knows this. Equally, if you’re after something more long term, then that’s going to affect how strong you want to come on during the date. Know your limits – and feel out hers – and the rest should follow naturally.
Don’t waste time
In most dating scenarios, the onus is on the guy to be polite, charming and gentlemanly, even if that means spending time with someone you realize you don’t like. But this is just a waste of time, for both of you. It’s quite common for that initial attraction you felt for someone to wear off as you get to know them. That doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with her, you’re just not as compatible as you thought you were, it’s nobody’s fault. But you’re not doing either of you any favors by dragging the date out all night. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with cutting the evening short and explaining that, even though she’s a great person, you’re just not ‘feeling it.’ She’ll actually respect you more (eventually!) for being honest with her. Life’s too short to waste time on dates that are going nowhere, so cut to the chase and end the evening maturely and respectfully.
Don’t be afraid to speak your mind
Many men feel like they have to act the perfect gentleman on a date, regardless of how their date is behaving towards them. For instance, as stunning and sexy as your date might be, you really don’t like the fact that she’s spent all evening discussing ex-boyfriends, or talking about herself. She hasn’t asked a single question about you, but you feel you should just be grateful that she’s there with you at all. But a confident man knows the value of time, and he shouldn’t be wasting it on a date who doesn’t have the decency to show the same respect you’re showing to her, and it really is OK to say so. Perhaps she’s spent the date checking her phone every five minutes, or she doesn’t look you in the eye when she talks to you. Maybe she’s even checking out other guys as they enter the bar or restaurant you’re in. Whatever the issue, you need to speak up and tell her. At the very least, you’re showing her you’re confident enough in your own skin not to put up with her behavior, and it will also show how much you respect yourself. Women like men who know what they want, so even though you might think you’re doing the polite thing by letting her be selfish and indulgent during your date, all it’s really saying is “I’m not strong enough to stand up for myself” and that’s not sexy.
For more information on how to set boundaries for dating, check out my Dating Coaching Program today.